These past few months have been hard. My personal and work life became very stressful. For the last month, I have changed significantly. I have little anxiety and my depression is no longer impacting my daily life. First of all, there’s no reason to be ashamed about mental health issues. The stigma has to stop.
Now, I still suffer from some anxiety and depression. I will most likely always have both illnesses. But, lately I’ve been able to control it.
About a month ago, I was having severe meltdowns daily. I was stressed for no reason. I was put on a new medication to treat my increasingly worsening mental illnesses. [I strongly believe that medication can truly help some people. That it is necessary for some to treat a chemical imbalance, or to help those who need them. ] I was previously on a medication that I found somewhat ineffective. But hey, finding a good medication can be like finding a needle in a hay stack.
However, with this new medication I had the worse reaction of my life. I was suicidal. Very suicidal. I had incredible panic attacks every hour or so. I was barely able to function. Since, I was such a mess, I stopped taking the medication immediately. However, I wasn’t thinking correctly, and so I also stopped taking all medication. This is when I went through withdrawal. I don’t recommend it. But, I was in no state to make good decisions. I ended up taking two weeks off of work and endured it. It sucked.
After stopping all medication, and getting it out of my system. I’ve been working extra hard on my mental health and coping skills. I could probably return on a mild dose for anxiety but I am working hard for now without any. Again, there’s nothing wrong with medication. But, I had the worse case scenario.
I haven’t felt this happy in years.
Since then, I’ve tried to change my way of thinking. I try to focus on the good. I know that this is a cheesy and annoying piece of advice. But, focusing on the bad always put me in a terrible mood. Sometimes lasting the entire day. I try to stay active and be social to distract myself from those negative thoughts. I have some great friends who have supported me throughout all of this. There’s still a lot that I can do. But, I am happy with what I have accomplished.
This terrible experience has changed me for the better.
*I am not a professional. If you have any concerns about you mental health, see a health care professional. Please visit the emergency room or call emergency services if you have thoughts of self harm or suicide.